09.09.05

Growing Up Sucks

Posted in Other media, Personal at 00:27 by Jonas

As the title implies, growing up sucks. I think I’ve been growing up for quite a while now, but I’m probably not entirely done. For me, growing up is the process of eliminating your dreams one by one until, if you’re lucky, one remains… and if you’re not, none do. First I had to narrow it down to the realistic dreams. That meant cutting off superhero (Jonas-man, anyone? Yes, he existed in my mind, I even drew comics about him >_<), action-archeologist a'la Indiana Jones, top-secret spy / elite commando soldier, space explorer, and all that crap. It was great while it lasted.

Then I had to start killing the ones that weren’t actually unrealistic, I just felt my chances to accomplish them were limited. Photographer was one of them. Musician was another although I still play the guitar as a hobby. You’d think something like computer game designer would go off the list rather quickly as well, but that’s where the priorities enter the picture. I decided that game designer was something I wanted so much that I couldn’t possibly eliminate that. Instead, it’s been placed at the top of my list, right above writer. Preferably not writer of books, at least not primarily. I’d rather be a script writer, ideally for games, but I can settle for film scripts or even advertisement if it becomes a question of just making a living.

I watched the first batch of episodes of Naruto at Torsten’s place today. It really struck me as something I might’ve made up 10 years ago. Back when I still thought I might one day be world famous for my incredible talent… whatever that undiscovered talent might be. The main character, Naruto, had but one wish: To be the best ninja ever and gain recognition for it. I bet that’s true of all kids. I haven’t had much experience with kids since I stopped being one, but I seem to remember everybody just wanted to be the best. It didn’t matter what they were the best at, really, as long as it would make them famous and they would get recognized for their talent. Everybody wants to be special. The problem is most people eventually realizes they’re not.

I’m probably never going to lead a game development team, but until it becomes painfully certain that all my chances are lost, I’ll just keep on kidding myself. And no matter where I end up, I’ll be damned if I’m not gonna try to be the best at what I do. I’m just stupid that way.

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