06.13.07
Arachnophobia revisited: Cobbett rocks
I have spent tonight randomly roaming the archives of Richard Cobbett, games journalist extraordinaire. I will clearly be adding his site to my links soon. Perhaps even when this post is finished.
For now, I will just address that I stumbled across this article of his on the problem of arachnophobia in relation to certain games (namely Dark Messiah). You may recall I very recently ranted on precisely this topic. Only, Cobbett (being a pro) does it much more hilariously and with less self-pity than I:
Have you ever looked at a giant spider? Heck, have you even looked at a regular spider, up close? Well, imagine that, only the size of a cow, and trying to chew off your face. You see my problem here. It’s got eight legs, hair, and fangs. Its idea of lunch is to melt its prey and drink it up as if through a straw. They move at incredible speed, their legs flying across any surface, ready to drop down from on high, or scuttle out of a gap when you least suspect it. They gather in groups; in flocks; in crawling, squawking, hero-slaying battalions of eight legged little bastards that scream at our innermost atavistic fears and call back to such deep-seated terror that the strongest of man might fall back blubbering.
You want me to fight an army of these things?
Sod off.
For the record, I made it past the spider caves in Call of Juarez. It was very hard, especially when I reached the sun-lit rock where 10 large spiders were lounging around, patiently waiting for me. In case you’re curious, my solution was to run. Far, far, far, quick, quick, quick, and then a jump across a bit of a ravine, and then I was safe. Until I met the next batch of spiders. But I made it through, somehow, and the permanent emotional trauma will probably not be significant among the web (no pun intended) of paranoia that makes up my mind.
I will never go back to Dark Messiah though. Money wasted. Such is life.
EER said,
June 13, 2007 at 07:00
Congratulations on passing the spiders in CoJ. Did you have trouble with the spiders in Act III of Diablo 2 as well?
Richard said,
June 13, 2007 at 08:26
Thanks - glad you enjoyed the story! People without arachnophobia often don’t get that /it doesn’t matter/ that they’re just sprites and polygons, they can be game killers. I didn’t buy Dark Messiah specifically because of all the giant spiders. System Shock 2 became much more fun after someone hacked out the scuttling little bastards.
At least the Call of Juarez bit was relatively short. So long as there’s a chance of tarantulas, I doubt I’ll be picking up a Resident Evil game, and nothing turns me off a new RPG like having giant spiders join giant rats as entry level monsters.
(For me, probably the worst ever example was Ultima Underworld 2, where you’re just wandering along minding your own business, when the floor gives way and drop you right into a giant spider nest. They’re not hostile, so you can walk out - walk/run/flail around - and that seems to be that. Until the end of the game, when you have to go back and steal from them, and in doing so, turn them all psychotic.
Always did wonder how that game ended…)
I’ve often said that a ‘No Spiders’ option will earn a developer an extra bonus 10% in review. Even I’m not sure I’m joking…
Jonas said,
June 13, 2007 at 13:34
Hey Richard, wow thanks for posting
I subscribe to PCG UK, so I’ve read a bunch of your articles that way too. Spiders in RPG’s do raise my adrenaline levels, but only recently have they become realistic enough to really scare the hell out of me. Especially in first-person games, but the big spiders in NWN2 can be pretty unpleasant too. For some reason, the skull spiders in that game didn’t really get to me, even though the robo-spiders in Deus Ex did, to a degree.
If you ever start a lobby to promote “No Spiders” checkboxes in game settings, I’ll definitely sign up right away.
Now to find somebody who can mod Dark Messiah and convince them to replace the spiders with… hmm… let’s say rabbits. Killer rabbits. With big, nasty, pointy teeth.
Richard said,
June 13, 2007 at 14:02
It’s an odd phobia. I’ve never had a problem with robo-spiders, even though there’s no logical reason for them to be a problem. And third-person stuff tends to be “Eew,” rather than “AAAAAAAIE!”
Of course, headcrabs a la Aliens vs. Predator are a solid “AAAAAAYRRRGH!” on any scale, at least, they were the first time I got killed by one in AvP and lost my wireless mouse out of the window behind me.
Shudder.
(* Ratings taken from the official PEGI Girly-Man scale, last updated 2007)
Jonas said,
June 13, 2007 at 20:08
Hahah, hmm… I’m not sure where the line is drawn for me, exactly, but the standard headcrabs in Half-Life don’t get to me apart from being, you know, kinda shocking and a general menace to my hitpoints. The über-nasty poison spiders in HL2 do freak me out though. Pretty random, eh?
*Looks up the Girly-Man scale*
Richard said,
June 13, 2007 at 22:40
The headcrabs are fairly wussy. Worst case, they’re an ‘Oh’. A full on facehugger attack is something else…