Rule #1: Put out your hand when you’re turning or stopping
Everyone else needs to know where on God’s Green Earth you’re going, and how you’re trying to get there. Knowing what you’re about to do allows us to behave accordingly which drastically reduces the risk of either of us sampling the pavement. With our nose.

Rule #2: PUT OUT YOUR GODDAM HAND
No seriously, people. Show me what the hell you’re doing because you’re swerving uncontrollably all over the bike lane so I can’t tell!

Rule #3: Be aware of your surroundings
One of many things bicycling has in common with combat, you have to know what’s going on around you so you don’t get somebody else killed. This means look behind you constantly, and definitely look behind you before you overtake the slow-poke in front of you, because if I’m trying to overtake you both when you swing out into the left side of the bike lane, I’ll be forced to take evasive action, which puts me right in front of a huge bus or an 18-wheel truck or some other motorised nemesis that will leave behind a red smear on the asphalt as the only evidence of my existence.

Rule #4: Don’t talk on your cell phone while you ride your bicycle
Just pull over if you get a call. Your driving always gets five times worse when all your attention is on a phone call instead of on the traffic. That should be a no-brainer. It also means you’re using one hand to hold the phone and another hand to steer your bicycle, which leaves you: no hands to put out when you turn or stop. See rules 1 and 2 for further details.

Rule #5: Don’t stop pedaling a hundred meters before the red light
Is the extra little effort required to start from a complete stop really significant enough compared to what it takes to accelerate from 3 km/h that it’s worth testing the patience of everyone behind you for? Trying to match your geological pace is like a particularly pointless game of Operation, with the added reflex test that it’s impossible to tell when you’re going to actually come to a stop, since the light never has time to change to green before you run out of pavement.

Rule #6: Stop at the white line when there’s a red light
You probably think your painfully slow acceleration means you should be up in front, which is why you always roll quietly past all the people who overtook you because you stopped pedaling a hundred meters before the red light, and come to a stop right on top of the pedestrian area. However, this does not in fact give you a head start, it just forces all the competent bicyclists to overtake you again when the light changes, this time while you’re swerving precariously all over the place as you try to accelerate in your bicycle’s highest gear, and because you never put out your hand when you’re stopping or turning, we have no idea if your swerving means you’re planning to go down the street on the right or if your slowness means you’re about to stop at the other side in order to go left when the light changes again.

This... is not okay. No way am I going out there. I'm the King of the Savannah, guys, not the goddamn tundra.

You there! With the camera! I hold you personally responsible for this dismal white stuff! Come in here so I can claw your face off.

Why is my territory still covered in snow? Do I look like a polar bear to you? I want to file a formal complaint. Get me the manager at once!

You people are all sissies. This place is tropical paradise compared to Mother Russia! Please to be stoppink your incessant complaints! Don't make me come in there!

Wooo, Dmitri, stop shouting at the whiners and get your stripy ass over here, dinner's served!

MUST... (om nom) EAT... (nom nom nom) TO KEEP... (nom nom) WARM...!

Durrr... too cold... to think...

Man... I love ice (slurp, slurp). It's almost like water, just... colder!

Hey Carmen... you know what's really great for getting warm? Mating. Just putting it out there.

STOP. POKING ME. I refuse to move! IT IS TOO COLD TO MOVE.

Why am I here, ankle-deep in this cold wet shit, when I could be wandering through a nice hot desert right now? May the pharaohs curse all you fucking eskimos.

Dis is not a nose. Dis is a rock. Just a regular boring rock. Noding to see here. Move along.

S-s-s-so... c-c-cold...

GOD DAMNIT WHY COPENHAGEN!? There's only ONE zoo outside of Australia that has Tasmanian Devils, and it has to be in the land of frickin' icicles and igloos!?

Do you think maybe if we stick our head in it, it'll go away?

I never thought I'd say this, but right now I'd rather be running down the savannah with a lion hanging off my ass than having to deal with this godawful snow another second.

Yeah no shit, if you gave me that choice right now, I would break out the ass-condiments without a second's hesitation, that's all I'm saying.

ARGH! Even the food has snow on it! JUST GIVE ME A SINGLE BLOODY BREAK YOU BOOFHEADS!

FUCK YES. I'm loving it!

PARTY TIME!!!

You don’t have to download anything, it was / will be installed automatically when the clock hit/s midnight in your time zone. 2010 has been in alpha for quite a while so we’re confident the major bugs have been squished, but you may consider it to be in a sort of open beta, so please keep an eye out for glitches or other weirdness. We’ll probably put the finishing touches on it throughout January and then we’ll call it a day and start planning the 2011 update.

On a side note, we realise the Mayans have claimed we’re going to stop updating after patch 2012, but that is not based on an official statement and we can neither confirm nor deny that we have any plans to stop updating at any point in the near or far future, so please stop emailing us or making terrible disaster movies about it.

The bad news is, Australia and Asia are here already, and they’re kinda cramping our style.

Well… civilization in the broadest sense. Mostly an old worn-down harbour area and small industry and warehouses. Between the fog, the frost, the low vegetation, the old industrial buildings, and the occasional pile of rubble or trash, I experienced a strong sense of Gamer Deja Vu. So I took a lot of pictures. Allow me to walk you through how Amager looks 200 years after the bombs fell.

	Here is a remnant of civilization that made it through mankind’s downfall relatively unscathed. Let’s jump the fence and see what lies in the cordoned-off wasteland beyond.
On the peninsula across the water, it looks like some wastelanders have erected a makeshift ladder, perhaps allowing them to more easily return to their hideout after a day of foraging and hunting the mutated wildlife. With sharpened sticks.
	Here is a view down the coast into a small bay. The rotting remains of a trailer lies in the water on a bed of bricks from a ruined house. Further into the bay, several sunken boats are barely visible.
Here, it is clear that the coastline is in fact made out of rubble from old concrete and brick structures, doubtlessly torn apart in the nuclear holocaust two hundred years ago. Perhaps this was the site of a small settlement, or perhaps the debris was simply flung here by the blasts and allowed to remain, as nobody was left to clean up afterwards.
	This photo illustrates the state of the water: Instead of rocks or sand, the bottom of the bay is made out of mainly bricks. In the foreground lies a sizeable chunk of house, slowly being reclaimed by the post-nuclear vegetation (which may look ordinary, but it glows at night).
This looks like a small, currently dried out brook. Except the sides and the bottom are lined with old bricks and pieces of concrete.
	This pond may look idyllic, but note that it consists of strongly radioactive sewage water, carried here from the highly irradiated ruins of the old industry around ground-zero in Copenhagen inner city. In this pond doubtlessly lurks some Lovecraftian mutated monster.
Behold the source of the radioactive waste that feeds this lake of horrors. The unnatural shrieks of wretched atomic vermin emanates from its black depths. Sometimes. Probably.
	Here is an ancient metal container, painted with tribal motifs before the great war, but now being reclaimed by nature as is the way of all things. Behind it, also being devoured by some manner of sentient plant masquerading as ivy, you can see an abandoned plastic shelter used in the early attempts to evacuate the population.
It’s impossible to tell if this expressionistic portrayal of a forbidding city, its buildings painted as nuclear silhouettes on its own walls, was created after the bombs were dropped, or whether it’s some sort of grim foreshadowing of the events that would soon transpire. Either way it’s pretty awesome.
	Though this car has seen better days, I think we can all agree that it got through the nuclear apocalypse pretty alright all things considered, and that it’s still in remarkably good condition for having presumably been sitting here for over 200 years.
A patch of ice, shattered. Nuclear ice, maybe? It looks pretty neat anyway.
	Here is the wreckage of a small boat at the far end of the bay visible in earlier photos. Somebody (probably filthy wastelanders) have attempted to moor it to a tree branch by crudely fastening it with duct tape.
Heading back through the Valby park, I spotted these signs of foresting and was quite captivated by the contrast between the dark green foliage and the bright orange sawdust. I do admit that this photo is not as post-apocalyptic as it could have been, but at least the fog is still visible between the trees.

That concludes this tour of our bleak post-apocalyptic future. I hope you’ve enjoyed it, and that you’ll survive when China finally nukes us all. Note that none of these pictures have been modified in Photoshop – improving their contrast or tampering with their colours would just ruin the brilliantly oppressive authenticity of it all.

I did come away from there with some significantly less bleak photos, but you probably wouldn’t be interested in them. They’re mostly either extreme close-ups of frost-covered red berries or landscape shots of glistening ice-covered islands vanishing into the fog. I put a nice moody drawing I found at DeviantArt on top of one of them and am now using it as my wallpaper.

Fog is awesome.

I have to climb on the railing.

By most standards, this would be an inconvenience, but for some reason I find it pretty entertaining. It’s a throwback to the games we used to play as kids, where we’d chase each other around on the playground pretending that the ground was poison and touching it would kill us. Now it’s a challenge just moving through the house. I guess when it comes down to it, I’m still just 8 years old inside.

Because one of the cats took ‘em.

Clearly there’s nothing to do about that. I hope she enjoys the Edge subscription I was supposed to get.

* Alternatively if you are 21 or younger: lol old fart!

[coolplayer width="400" height="317" autoplay="0" loop="0" charset="utf-8" download="0" mediatype=""]
The Annoy Toy
[/coolplayer]